Anxiety

It feels like I'm stuck inside my own head. My body tenses up. The dizziness grows. The fear is building, and I can't control it. Within the span of about five minutes, the panic attack has taken over. There's no stopping it. 

A bit of backstory:

I have had anxiety for as long as I can remember. The first panic attack I remember having was in 4th grade. We were TAKS testing, and I was panicking and crying in my desk. The teacher had to take me outside and calm me down. These attacks came in waves over the next thirteen years. I can't tell you what caused them because I don't even know. But, they are the worst feeling imaginable. It feels like you can't breath, can't sit still, can't even speak. At first it wasn't like that though. My mom says I was just a really nervous kid, more so than most. It progressively got worse but didn't truly affect my everyday life until college. A month into school, my grades dropped. I couldn't go to class, couldn't sleep, couldn't take exams, and couldn't even go to the dining hall alone to get food. Before it got really bad, I had joined a Panhellenic sorority, Alpha Sigma Tau. Having my sisters helped a little, but not enough. I lost fifteen pounds that first year of college. I went home for two years and studied at the university there, but the anxiety kept building. Then, I went back to my old university and saw my sisters again. It was great for a few months! Reuniting with my sorority brought back a little spark, but that spark eventually ran out. My GPA kept dropping. I wasn't eating. I couldn't leave my apartment and last more than a few hours at work or school without getting a panic attack. 

I tried. Believe me, I tried. Nothing was working. So, this past winter break, I went to the doctor. I was finally diagnosed with General Anxiety, Social Anxiety, and Depression. (I'll explain later why I never went to get treated). 

I'm on medication now, and I can finally breathe. For those who have anxiety, I hope you experience that feeling, of breathing easy. It's amazing. I'm not magically cured, but it's a first step into a very long recovery. 

I hope this blog will help, those who do not know about anxiety, learn about it and be a place where, those with anxiety, can come and see that they are not alone in their struggles.