Waves

You know how when there's a storm on the beach. Everything gets dark, and the lightening illuminates the sky. The water goes from clear blue to black as the sky above it. 

You watch the waves building up higher and higher. 

And then the waves begin to settle. The ocean steadies itself, 

and there's peace. 

And then comes another storm, and the cycle continues.

My mental illness is like those waves. The worry, anxiety, fear, panic, doubt, and everything in between grows higher, just like those waves. 

And just like they grow, they level out. 

So, my last post was a HUGE wave. It's not something I could help, but distractions and friends settled the waters. I've been hurt so bad recently, very recently, and it's been hard for me. 

But I made progress yesterday...I ate actual food (and not at my house but) during my break at work. 

AND I DIDN'T PANIC AFTER CLOCKING BACK IN.

That hasn't happened in years....

I am so proud of myself. I have been working so hard for this. It wasn't a restaurant, but someday I'll be eating pancakes with my future children and future husband at ihop. That's my goal. My ex said he wanted that for us, and even though he may not any more, I still do. Although it probably won't be happening with him, I'm still making that my goal, with whoever I end up with. 

Because I want there to be less and less waves. 

I need there to be less and less waves.