Growth Takes Time

I've been wanting to write for several weeks now and just

 haven't had the time to sit down and well..write

I was thinking about where I was a year ago from this point in time...Living on my own, an hour away from home, struggling with panic attack after panic attack, being physically not okay because of the anxiety, stressing over school and work, feeling so alone...

I am so much better now... 

I hadn't even realized it until a couple weeks ago. I was sitting alone outside on my friend's hammock, looking up at the stars, at 11 pm, just in awe of how far I have come. 

I know most of my posts have been sad or not on the happy spectrum, but this one can sit peacefully on that sun shiny spectrum. I haven't had a serious panic attack in months! I've been working out, and eating more, gaining weight, working more, and just living. Yes, I still have little episodes or whatever you call them, but they're nothing like they used to be! My life is still messy. I have a boat load of things that I need to accomplish or find a solution to before I can say I have "made it". But, this is such a good start for me! 

I just can't get over it....

how much I have changed...

it's beautiful to think about. 

Like I kind of said already, I still have a long way to go, but this is a damn good start. I'm ready to keep going and growing. I'm ready for the fall school semester to start and everything that comes with that. I don't fully know what to expect, but, for once, I'm not afraid of that unknown.

I know not everyone is at the level I am on. For some people you're way past where I am. You're living the life you, at one point, thought you'd never live. And others, you're still struggling. It's like you're still carrying that heavy weight, and it seems like there is no relief. But, let me tell you, there IS relief. You just gotta keep pushing. You can do it. I believe in you.